Sarah Shahi‘s new book addresses their high-profile split Steve Howeyrelationship with now-ex Adam Demos and more dating stories in an effort to give readers advice they can use in their own lives.
Life Is Lifey: The A to Z of Navigating the Messy Middle of Lifeleave on Tuesday, January 27 in Shahi’s decision to file for divorce de Howey after playing a disgruntled housewife on the hit Netflix series Sex/Life.
“As fate so divinely orchestrated, while filming Sex/Life, I was going through my own personal transformation. I had been married for almost twelve years, together for almost twenty years, but my relationship was plagued with problems other than a fantasy man of the past,” she wrote of her off-screen love life. “Years of frustration that came from living a life well below my potential finally came to a head. I was tired, bloated, and uninspired. The only ‘self-care’ ritual I had was the ten minutes a night I brushed food off my teeth.”
Shahi, 46, and Howey, 48, known on the set of Rebadating for several years before tying the knot in 2009. They were together for more than a decade and welcomed three children before Shahi filed for divorce in 2020.
Steve Howey and Sarah Shahi were together for almost two decades before calling it quits. The two first crossed paths in 2003 when Shahi appeared in an episode of Reba, which aired the following year. Howey, meanwhile, played Van on the WB sitcom, which ran from 2001 to 2007. Shahi sparked a romantic (…)
“It worked for both parties involved. There’s no failure here,” Shahi exclusively shared in his January Us Weekly cover story “I was in a relationship for 18 years and I have three beautiful children. To me that is, by definition, success and we have a beautiful relationship, Steve and I, now as parents. It’s important to show kids, in my opinion, that when something is out of sync, you have to have the courage to let it go.”
Shahi later found love with her Sex/Life cost Demos. After five years of dating, Shahi broke her silence we about their split, saying, “There was an element of the relationship that people really felt belonged to them, which was very sweet and touching.”
She continued: “The change to that is when things end, you feel like you’re going through it twice. You’re going through it emotionally on a personal level and then you’re going through it again on a much bigger level.”
while Life is Life touched on Shahi’s divorce from Howey many times, made no obvious mention of Demos. Shahi’s personal life, career challenges and childhood trauma were all mentioned in an effort to inspire others to make changes to benefit themselves.
Life is Life is available now. Read on to see some of the highlights:
Sarah remembers telling Steve that her marriage was over
in the wholeSarah Shahi said she struggled for a while before pulling the plug on her marriage, writing: “‘I finally love myself more.’ Those five words took ten years to say. My voice shook the whole time. ‘I love you,’ I repeated, ‘but I finally love myself more.’
She continued: “With tears streaming down my face, I had just told my husband of eleven years that I wanted a divorce. I wanted to leave the life we’d shared for over eighteen years with three healthy children and a cute little dog to make a life for myself. I hadn’t been alone since I was twenty-two. I was twenty-two now. That’s courage.”
The signs Sarah noticed before the breakup
Sarah Shahi recalled being stuck in a routine at home that made her feel still. While addressing other women who may be going through a similar experience, Shahi said she would have many “upsetting” days where her goal was to feed her children and support her husband’s difficult days which brought her a “comfort” that was “more damn work than the kids”.
“I can’t go from friend to child to partner to pet making service calls,” he noted. “‘Yeah, we can hang out after school. Sure, we can have sushi for dinner. I’d love to clean the kitchen. Oh, I’d love to give you a blowjob when the kids come downstairs!’
The problem Sarah was facing in dating again
The day of Sarah Shahi’s tough talk with now-ex-husband Steve Howey was also when the United States went into lockdown due to the COVID pandemic. This caused Shahi’s personal life to take another hit as she recalled not being able to “go out and rub shoulders with all the nice guys”.
Sarah talks about Steve’s reaction to their divorce
Sarah Shahi called their divorce the breakup this gave him a “doctorate in pain”, adding: “Although it really was for the best for everyone involved, seeing his wet signature on the final divorce paper was like having a piano in my heart.”
The message that Sarah received from the executive of Warner Bros. on a dating app
While swiping through a dating app, Sarah Shahi was approached by a Warner Brothers executive who texted her: “‘Want to hang out with my whore later?’
Sarah’s respective chapters on blowjobs and orgasms
Life is Life used Sarah Shahi’s lived experience as a model for other women, with the actress devoting a chapter to the b*** j*** tips she learned when she moved to Los Angeles in the early 2000s. Shahi credited a two-day seminar with helping her gain confidence in the sex act, which she later played to her then-boyfriend, who was “10 years older, desirable, and a critically acclaimed B+ movie star (in her mind).”
Shahi also devoted a separate section to the importance of orgasms, writing, “After the premiere of (Sex/Life), what struck me the most was how many women have never experienced an orgasm. Studies show that up to half of women are dissatisfied with how often they achieve this biological imperative… After years of extensive personal research (you realize sexuality is welcome). cheat code to your best self.”
Sarah’s mentions of ex-boyfriends
Before moving to Los Angeles, Sarah Shahi dated an unnamed boyfriend in college, whom she later cheated on. She recalled becoming a “part-time bulimic” who “drank too much” out of guilt. That period in his life made Shahi not cheat in a relationship again.
He also mentioned an ex before he met Howey.
“Early in my career, I had a boyfriend who was a little more established than me and he said, ‘You’re not that good, you’re not that smart, and it’s my job to bring you down,'” she recalled. “That same Prince Charming also complimented me after I won an acting award saying, ‘What? You think you’re good just because you can cry on the spot? Guess again!’
Letters to your exes
Life is Life it included a letter Sarah Shahi wrote to “Mr. Situationship,” which she referred to as “a master class in self-love.” There was also a mention of “Mr. Wino”, which read: “You taught me the art of timing, not in a romantic way, but in a tell-it-so-that-things-don’t-explode way. I learned that honesty doesn’t have to be a wrecking ball if you use it carefully. But you never bothered with it, never after your third word you preferred the punch.”
She continued, “You were too in love with your liquid muse to notice, but I was busy becoming someone who could stand up for herself, no need for a bottle… You were only able to find me where you were, which was somewhere at the bottom of a glass.”